Have you ever found yourself feeling impacted by something you heard? I mean something that resonated so deeply it got the wheels inside your head spinning?
I recently heard this statement that literally stopped me in my tracks, I mean, it was like a punch in the gut that propelled me into some deep thinking: “If we don’t transform our pain we will transmit it”.
I found it so powerful that it immediately brought me inward to that place where my compounded hurts, fears and insecurities used to reside which now feels like a lifetime ago. It was kind of like having my life flash before my eyes but in a not so dramatic way!
In that instant my mind started going to work, I began thinking about the word pain, what does it mean and how does it impact all of us? That emotional pain that’s inescapable and presents itself in so many situations throughout our lives that we’re unaware of.
When we think of emotional pain there’s some obvious examples such as losing a loved one, divorce, addiction, or any form of abuse. There are also situations that might not appear as obvious, those repeated events from our childhood that caused us to form our coping strategies and shaped our personalities.
Looking back, I can recall how I felt when I heard my parents argue, the loud voice of my father that was so intimidating and put the fear of God in me. I can still see how my mom wouldn’t respond or react; rather she shut down, exactly the behavior I mimicked.
Perhaps you grew up in an environment where your family didn’t communicate, nobody shared their feelings or maybe you found yourself constantly walking on eggshells. There are also those who were criticized, never quite felt good enough and perhaps transmuted their feelings into perfectionism… All of these are examples of emotional pain that we typically don’t give much thought to. The things that hurt or caused us to feel frightened and nervous were the driving forces that had us quickly find a way to cope with both our reality and environment. No matter what, we all had our own experiences and we all adapted in some way, shape or form.
Our survival instincts kick in and we find a way to cope, that’s how it works!
Here’s the bottom line… Unless you grew up in an environment that provided you with a secure attachment style, there’s a high probability you’ve developed some unhealthy patterns that have unknowingly affected outcomes and decisions in your life.
The question is this: What did we do with our feelings?
The bigger question: How have these feelings affected us?
As a species, we’re primed to avoid pain and suffering to ensure our survival and don’t naturally have the ability to cope. This is why we can’t control anger, shut down, feel overwhelmed or find ourselves making one bad decision after another. We must keep in mind that we are more than just our mind and a physical body…
We are an emotional and feeling creature with emotional energy continuously trying to move through us.
A healthy emotional body can cope in challenging situations and make decisions based on perspective rather than perception. When self-awareness is present, it helps us recognize and control triggers while maintaining boundaries aligned with our core values, which in turn allows you to experience a sense of well-being.
Then, there’s a not-so healthy emotional body that’s dysregulated and has a presence of ongoing:
Aggression
Shutdown
Impulsiveness
Anxious Tendencies & Anxieties
Perfectionism
Eating Disorders
Suicidal Thoughts
Addiction
Depression
Conflict in Interpersonal Relationships
This person is in a state of being and feeling out of balance while living in fight or flight.
What we all need to realize is that our emotional body affects every area of our life. With every thought, action, perception and choice we make. Remember: Our emotional body is what connects our bodies to our brain as it holds power over who we become, what direction we take, effects on our relationships and can cause physical pain and illness.
So, what about those unpleasant, uncomfortable and unwanted feelings? They’re part of each and every one of us and it appears we're working really hard to avoid them as we were never taught what they are, how they affect us and how to handle them.
They say it takes 90 seconds for an emotion to move through the body and instead of feeling them, we push them down by doing everything we can to stop them from surfacing… This is a form of self-sabotage. It is important to note that to understand ourselves and connect to our emotions, is to free the soul.
So, back to the statement: “If we don’t transform our pain we will transmit it”, what that means in a nutshell is this… If we don’t heal, take action to understand who we are, how we operate and make the necessary changes, then we’re going to create more pain. We’ll end up creating emotional pain for others, and more for ourselves that will surface in different ways throughout our life. If we don’t break the chains of our past, we will demonstrate unhealthy behaviors to our children.
Your emotional body holds the profound wisdom of your heart where there’s joy, love, purpose and vulnerability. Everything you do is by choice and by choosing to create self-awareness; you are choosing to elevate your vibrations and create a healthier emotional body, which will create better mental and physical health.
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Self-awareness IS the key to healthy relationships,
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