To be fully honest with yourself and your partner is a great demonstration of "showing up". It allows the truth to be ever-present without creating a false sense of reality by breaching trust.
Honesty has this way of making or breaking a relationship because when we are lied to, or there has been an omission of information; we tend to be triggered into fight/flight mode. This is because we feel betrayed and don’t have the conscious coping mechanisms to communicate our needs and emotions.
An intimate relationship should be based on the authenticity of both people!
If one or both of you are afraid to speak the truth and are not sharing with one another, then the relationship can’t possibly flourish. It demonstrates that there’s a camouflage of who you are and that you have decided for both of you that your partner isn’t fully allowed to participate and, in a way, that’s being dishonest because you are omitting parts of who you are and not fully “showing up”.
When there is dishonesty there is fear, and only you have the ability to uncover what the fear represents.
It’s understandable that sometimes the spoken truth from our partner can be difficult to hear because it may trigger feelings of rejection, frustration or discontent. But, the truth of the matter is, without honesty; we have no way of building a “culture of trust”. It’s like building a castle upon sand - we know all too well that it will eventually crumble - and we may turn a “blind eye” in hopes that the foundation may somehow get stronger without having to put any work toward it.
It is fairness, respect, and compassion toward one another that will keep us honest because we love our partner enough to always let them know the place we are coming from and the place we want to go. It keeps communication between two people alive and builds trust within the walls of the relationship so there is that solid foundation to assist us in times of adversity.
So, if you want to experience an honest, meaningful relationship and save it from sabotage, it begins with yourself first and foremost!
If you want your partner or future partner to be honest, then you yourself must be honest!
You don’t get to withhold parts of yourself or tell little white lies while you wait for the other person to “show up”. It’s not a game of honesty through vulnerability, it’s a choice you make to be who you are and demonstrate the qualities you want in someone else through your own personal behaviour. Speaking your truth, your feelings, perceptions and experiences are all part of what shapes you to be unique and honesty allows your partner to get to know you because to be honest, you are making a conscious choice to be vulnerable and to put yourself out there.
As a coach, I know that one of the greatest causes of relationship anxiety is due to a lack of honesty. When there is constant energy put into the thought process of what to share - what not to share, what to reveal or what to keep secret - the only person that suffers in the end is you. This is because you have given up your control to someone else and are choosing to hide truths that would lead you in the direction you are ultimately intended to follow, not to mention you are releasing burdens that may ultimately weigh you down.
Honesty has a way of making things right in the world and in relationships because there is no margin for error. You know exactly where you stand, your partner knows where you stand and from here you can both make healthy, conscious decisions, and set goals for the future.
The next time you are about to tell a little white lie, stretch the truth, leave out details or outwardly do something you are not willing to share… Ask yourself why you are behaving in such a way and consider how you would feel if your partner displayed the same behaviour toward you because... Honesty is not a game.
If you are ready to create the ultimate relationship – Reach out and work with me!
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